One of the hardest seasons I’ve ever been through in my life..
After we closed our Cafe end of July 2015 I hit a ‘big’ wall… I’d wake up in the morning tired and walk out of my bedroom only to stop in the dining room, having to sit down on a chair whilst I caught my breath… after getting my breath back I’d get up and walk to the kitchen to get some water and take my morning supplements whilst stopping to catch my breath there… then I’d take 1 litre of water and a glass and go sit in my chair in the lounge to catch my breath again. Here I would stay for hours to rest, getting up to go to the toilet and let the dogs in and out for the toilet also.
It’s been 23 months and 3 weeks… wow, I just realised writing this that at the end of July it will have been exactly 2 years! and to think I thougth it would be 3 months! 3 months! Yep, you have to a sense of humour about these things 🙂
I haven’t had the energy to shower every day! Is that too much information? – yes it very well could be TMI but it’s been my reality for the last 2 years… if I wanted to feed myself during the day then I couldn’t shower every day. I did not have the energy to do both so I would coordinate those tasks with days when MDH or dear Son would cook … I had a cleaner to help me once a week to clean and in between times, the most amazing husband, who, though it was hard for him, he picked up the slack in all the other areas so that I could rest and heal.
I found a great Online Shopping portal (Woolies) and created comprehensive Lists of what we needed in our household and this is how I have shopped for the last 21 months (I stopped online shopping about 3 months – a good sign for me). I would do a fortnightly shop so that I could get free delivery and I would make sure all the heavy and bulk stuff I would get in that shop so that MDH didn’t have to pick all that up from the shop. MDH would stop into the shop whenever we needed vegetables and other perishables in between my online shopping days. I think it was at least a year that I didn’t go to the shops for.
I connected with an incredible Functional Medical Doctor who has helped me incredibly.. I did quite a few tests, blood, urine, hair and saliva.. ended up on a list of supplements that have helped me a lot.. A list of some of the supplements that I have used to help me recover from Adrenal Fatigue are here… and there are links to the cheapest suppliers of the best quality supplements I could find here too… I use iHerb and get free postage etc…
Lesson 1: Rationing My Energy
I realised that if I have 10 units of energy for the day, and my body needs 6 of those units to do some healing, then I have to be very efficient in using the other 4 to get the important things done. My activity was very low. I dont even remember those days actually. I remember the highlights.. not showering, not going out, feeling like the world had passed me by.. like life was passing by.. not seeing anyone.. stopping in each room to catch my breath… oh dear, they aren’t great memories for me.
Lesson 2: Committing to Today
So I also realised that if I’m going to grow through this dark season of my life then I need to find some love in it. I need to find something positive to hold on to. So I decided to give myself permission to be in this space… this broken, helpless (at times), seemingly selfish space.
I find it really hard to say no to other people. It’s a skill I have to practice everyday that still doesnt come easy – this has been one of my greatest challenges in the last 2 years.
Putting Myself First
This has only been achieved by a stall wort decision. An unbending, unwavering decision where I keep reminding myself of the consequences if I dont stop!
I’ve missed lots of family get togethers and lots of friends’ hangouts over the last 2 years and I have felt the cost of every single one of them. At times I wondered if I will ever get better enough to live normally again…
So this is where my story gets brighter 🙂
By December last year (7 months ago) I was starting to get super bored. My ability back then was just to do something small – nothing too demanding but I knew it was time to take on something.. a few hours a week perhaps.. So that is what I did… and then a part-time job that I love doing became available and I started that 1 July (3 weeks ago).
About 3 days ago I felt a shift in my heart… it was like I flicked a switch on again… a switch that says it’s time to join in again… join in and not suffer for it… join in with the energy that is required to do that joining in!
WOW! this is such a good feeling… Life has gotten a whole lot brighter…
So I’m 3 weeks in to this part time work and I’m so glad to be able to say I am doing ok! more than ok actually! I havent had any extreme exhaustion so far.. this is fabulous 🙂
So, I can definitely say that I am Recovering.. I’m finding my feet again.. I dipping my toe in the waters and i’m loving it 🙂
If you are struggling with something right now – Dont Give Up… Don’t Quit! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.. be with supportive positive, healthy, people and keep your Hopes alive.
Sending you Love. Martine x
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